We predicted it: The pre-debate already has turned into an arena football game complete with monkey mascots, star-spangled ass-kickin’ boots, and the origin of a Lifetime channel made-for-TV movie, Let’s Finally Stop Pretending This Was Ever a Good Idea: The Sarah Palin Story.

Who will come out victorious? Who will come out slathered in nacho cheese? Who will come out dressed up as Uncle Sam, the official American team mascot?

Indeed, the future is now, and Vanity Fair’s Todd Levin pre-liveblogs the debate before the debate officially jumps the shark. Palin plagarizes Toby Keith. Biden kicks it old-school. And something totally gets killed. Play ball!