Video: Dick Cheney just flew in from Baghdad, and boy are his arms tired

On the same night that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton tilted at windbags in Pennsylvania and the President supped with the Pope, Dick Cheney emerged from wherever it is Dick Cheney hides to regale attendees of the annual Radio & TV Correspondents’ Dinner with his unique brand of Catskills comedy.

Highlights — and yes, it does help to strike a rimshot on a tiny drum set at the end of each paragraph if you’ve got one nearby:

“I am modest enough to realize that all of you would rather see the Pope standing here than me. But instead of the successor to St. Peter, you’re stuck with me–the successor to St. Al. Speaking of Vice-President Gore, I’m sorry to relate that he’s a little bit sore at me. He’s convinced that on global warming, I just don’t get it. But lately, with every passing day, the evidence has been catching my attention. I have no doubt, none at all, that we are in the midst of a global warming. Or, as I prefer to call it, spring. And I don’t mean to be an alarmist, but it’s going to get a lot warmer before it gets cooler.”

“I’m old news in this election, but I want a piece of the action. I’m fired up for my own candidate, but the feeling isn’t always returned. I feel kind of like Bill Clinton.”

Dick Cheney: Thank you, ladies and germs! Thank you! (7:55)