The “McCane,” a special patriotic cane handcrafted from Minnesota birch, can be in your hot little hands for a mere 20 bucks. A crafty Craigslist seller posted this lovely red-striped walking stick (pictured) that apparently is so solid it can “ease your pedestrian stride” and even “steady the weariest of delegates.”

But wait. There’s more. The McCane comes with its own instruction card and McCain cartoon, where he’s rocking the big stick like Clinton rocked the sax. After all, nothing says “new” and “innovative” like a good ol’ walking staff bedazzled in red, white and blue ribbon streamers.

It’s hard to make out the instructions, so we inquired with the creator who said the cane’s special uses are as follows: As a political crutch to support a healthy conservative posture; as a means to fend off those stubborn donkeys and clear a path to a brighter America; and as a lightening rod to ignite Republican fervor and to blaze a trail to the White House. Canes: Blazin’ trails since 1763.